Break Down (Explicit)

Hey livin' like a mess tryna numb my pain
Battlin' the demons in my mind all day
Either I'm ****** up or I'm insane
Pop a pill have a drink don't break down
Hey livin' like a mess tryna numb my pain
Battlin' the demons in my mind all day
Either I'm ****** up or I'm insane
Pop a pill have a drink don't break down
Let's flash back to a moment in time
When I was just a troubled youth tryna cope with his mind
With psychedelics c*****e and some smokin aside
When I was broke and overdosed and was hopin' to die
Yeah I guess the damaged of feelin' ****** abandoned
Left me torn so I was slammin'
Like every drug I was handed
I managed 'til I ran out then ravaged through my dad's house
Gather all my **** so I could sell it
For a bag now
I couldn't tell that I was losin' myself
And that the drugs only added to confusion I felt
And when the homies hit me up I was refusing to help
'Cause I was busy tryna make a ****** noose with a belt
But I was lonely and sick of feelin' depressed
I was runnin' out of options
And ways to cope with the stress
I thought I'd feel bliss when the reaper came to collect
'Cause I'm done with the pain
I'd rather hang to my death and say
Hey livin' like a mess tryna numb my pain
Battlin' the demons in my mind all day
Either I'm ****** up or I'm insane
Pop a pill have a drink don't break down
Hey livin' like a mess tryna numb my pain
Battlin' the demons in my mind all day
Either I'm ****** up or I'm insane
Pop a pill have a drink don't break down
I never thought that my life would end when I'm seventeen
Now I'm writing notes to my family I thought I'd never leave
But all this pain I've been feeling
It's time to set it free
Time to turn this torturous life of mine to a severed dream
I waited 'til it was late and family was sleepin'
Was thinkin' 'bout death
I wasn't thinkin' 'bout 'em grievin'
I thought that when they read the note they'd understand my reasons
So I crept downstairs time to finally conquer my demons
I grabbed the booze plus a bottle of pills
Ran 'em back up to my room feelin' hollow with chills
Wasn't nervous I was ready I was confident still
Put a dozen in my palm and started poppin' to kill
Yeah I'm finally doing it time to call in the eulogist
I got what I deserved
I took my life and I ruined it
Thirty minutes later my feelin's started to fade
Went from fallin' out of love to fallin' into my grave
I'm gettin' woozy and passin' out in my bed
I was fadin' in and out a few moments away from death
But somethin' in my stomach was travelin' up my chest
I just fell to the floor and started puking up red
And now the medicine is coverin' my hands
They were drenched in it
This is not the way that it was planned
I crawled to my bed I was barely able to stand
This is not what I intended I got myself in a jam
I ****** up I was broken and weak
I never wanted to die I wanted a moment of peace
Felt my heart skip a beat when I woke from my sleep
The next day and saw the suicide note at my feet
And thought
Hey livin' like a mess tryna numb my pain
Battlin' the demons in my mind all day
Either I'm ****** up or I'm insane
Pop a pill have a drink don't break down
Hey livin' like a mess tryna numb my pain
Battlin' the demons in my mind all day
Either I'm ****** up or I'm insane
Pop a pill have a drink don't break down